Not So Merry

So, I've been really crabby this past week or so. We decked the halls, I've been baking, wrapping and shopping. I've watched all the Christmas movies that make me sniffle and laugh and I've tipped back a couple of glasses. To no avail. I'm still crabby and I cannot seem to get into the holiday spirit this year. I finished another book, had a release and even gave a release party. Which reminds me, I have to send out messages to my winners tonight. And still...

What do you do when you just can't count your blessings? I know they're there. I can list them for you if you'd like me to, but I won't. It just all seems too much like bragging. There are reasons I don't really want to get into at the moment since they don't completely concern me and I've never been one to air anyone else's business, but it's bringing me down. And if it's bringing me down, I can only imagine what it's doing to the principals involved.

It reminds me of the Christmas after my grandmother died. Grandma loved Christmas. It was her favorite holiday and she'd go crazy with presents and food. So, when she was gone and we were facing the first Christmas out there it was hard. Everything I'd ever known was different. This year even the house we used to have Christmas in is vacant. So, another era passes. I think the older I get the more and more difficult it is to adjust to changes. I'm happy in my little ruts. I think we all are. The older and older I get I also realize how things can change. Maybe it's the thought that this current change isn't temporary. It's a new normal that I don't want to get used to. I want to stomp my feet and have a temper tantrum and tell everyone to stop being stubborn and just get over it all, but it's not that simple. Nothing is ever that simple, is it?

So, I'll kindle the candles and pass the cookies. I'll roll the meatballs and layer the lasagnas and if my heart isn't in it completely, I'll soldier on. Eventually, we'll all get used to the new normal, and relearn how to count our blessings, even as we mourn what we've lost.

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